Wounds and Scars
by DreamWriter98
Summary: Pre-Epilogue, Post- Mockingjay. This is how I imagine Katniss and Peeta eventually healed and grew back together.


I sit and stare at the fire in the hearth. The flames leap into the air and dance to and fro. Sparks fly up the chimney and the logs crackle and snap. Before the games, the sight and the sound would have been comforting, but now it only brings back bad memories of fires and explosions. My legs grow numb from sitting in the same position, but I don't move or shift in the rocking chair. It's the second day since I got back from the capitol, and I've done nothing but sit and eat what Greasy Sae cooks for me. I don't know why she continues to come back.

Whenever she comes, she brings her granddaughter. Her name is Susan and she has coal black hair like everyone else in the seam. But her eyes are the brightest blue. They're like the sky after it snows in the middle of the night. Her eyes are like Peeta's eyes. Susan always brings along her doll. It's really nothing more than a rag with bits of color, but she treasures it. When Greasy Sae cooks, she sits on the couch and plays quietly with it. Her mouth moves with soft words only she and her doll can hear. It's obvious from the way she holds it that it's her most treasured possession. Sometimes, I just stare at her and wonder. I wonder how she lives in a world so perfect when she is surrounded by a world filled with pain. She smiles and laughs softly with her doll, sharing secrets only she knows. Often, I am envious of her ability to block out all the pain in the world. She is one of the few that are truly free of sorrow.

The days blur together until finally a week passes. I follow the same routine, forcing down the food that Greasy Sae cooks. I have no appetite, and my lips are dry and cracked from going without water for the whole days. I haven't spoken since I got back from the capitol, and I'm not sure I want to. Some days I feel the life draining out of me, and I'm glad. I just want to escape the pains and nightmares that haunt me when I drift into sleep.

When Greasy Sae comes once again with Susan, I've just woken from a nightmare. Screams are ripped from my throat, making Susan run and hide behind Greasy Sae's apron. When my screams finally die down into ragged breaths, she comes out. Susan stands in the middle of the kitchen, looking at me as Greasy Sae prepares the stove for what I think is breakfast. Her bright eyes stare at me, somehow drawing my own eyes to her. Suddenly, she blinks and walks away, leaving me wondering what kind of girl she is.

Greasy Sae comes over with a plate of food, and I swallow every bite without complaint though the food is tasteless to my tongue. As she moves to get me a glass of water, she notices Susan playing near my mother's old knitting basket. Susan seems fascinated with a ball of blue yarn the same color as her eyes. She picks it up, but Greasy Sae tells her to put it back. "Wait," I say, my voice scratchy. "She can have it. No one in this house can knit anymore." Greasy Sae seems surprised that I've spoken, but she nods. Susan looks at me again for a second, then turns away to go back to the couch with her doll and the newly acquired ball of yarn. When Greasy Sae calls her to the door to leave, she waves at me in farewell. The corner of my mouth turns up unbidden and I feel myself wave back.

After they're gone, the house seems more empty than usual. Eventually, evening comes and my eyelids begin to droop. I fight to keep them open, but days of little rest have taken their toll on me, and I dream of Rue. I'm in the woods, and Rue is by my side. We're talking and suddenly the sky turns red and the trees turn black. Rue cries out, and she stands there with a spear in her side. I turn and run to try to reach her, but the harder I try the farther she gets. Eventually, she falls to the ground in a pool of blood and I finally reach her. But it's too late. She's already gone and once again I'm too late. Then, she transforms into a mutt before my eyes. The mutt's lips draw back into a snarl and it crouches down, ready to pounce. The last thing I see before I wake is an exact copy of Rue's eyes on the mutt staring at me.

I wake up, panting and sweating. Tears sting at my eyes and bile rises in my throat at the memory of Rue and what I couldn't do to save her. My knuckles turn white as I clutch at the arms of my rocking chair. My chest heaves from silent sobs and ragged breaths. Eventually, I bring my emotions under control and once again I am cold and detached from the world. I draw back into myself as the sun sheds its first rays of light through the window. It's the only way I know to protect myself. And I can't help but wonder when my wounds will heal.


End file.
